4 The Zombies
by Wolves Infinity
Summary: On a mission to prove a presentation he created on catching survivors is legit. Greg, a Hunter, must now journey out of his comfort zone and befriend several Special Infected to prove that all he knows isn't a waste.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer

I don't own Left 4 Dead. This story is meant to be funny and is not written to offend anyone. You have been warned.

A quick word of thanks to author LynxbyLynx. Thanks for the helpful reviews

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

The Meeting, Part 001

"Welcome" a hunter said. A Hunter of course being an infected creature that hunts people and infected of course meaning infected…like zombies. The infected stood before a group of zombies, a horde if you will. "To my presentation on catch prey"

"What's his problem?" A common infected, a male zombie in jeans and a torn shirt, asked the zombie next to him.

The infected, a female in skinny jeans and a loose top, turned to the one that spoke "Greg has issues" She said and added "Best to leave him alone"

"Oh okay" The male frowned "I guess I'm not learning anything about catching prey then"

The female turned to him and gave him a look that only a woman could give to a man.

"Now any good presentation will start with a joke," Greg said. He clapped his claws together trying to think of one. When one came to him he started "So two catholic priests and Justin Bieber walk into a bar…"

"Stop right there champ" A zombie pushed past the crowd towards Greg. "There are still some Beliebers around here"

"Oh great" other zombie said "Quick sombie grab a flamethrower"

"Were not that bad" Belieber zombie moved back into the crowd

"Okay" Greg clapped his claws together again "I guess I should just begin then. What is the one thing survivors have that we don't?"

"Lead?"

"Spirit?"

"Shut up Belieber! And where is that damn flamethrower!" Anti-Bieber zombie yelled more then asked

"Wait" One zombie in the crowd, said, "How do we know this presentation of yours works? For all we know you might be the weirdo that sits in the corner"

"He is the weirdo that sits in the corner"

"Oh"

"But guy does have a point" another zombie said, "Maybe if you could test this plan of yours we would start listening"

"Wait… you guys don't listening when I talk?"

"No"

"Well then" Greg said growling at the horde "I'll catch a survivor using my plan. And then you'll be like 'holy crap Greg your so amazing' and stuff"

"Yeah whatever" Anti-Bieber said "For the love of Steve. Where is that damn Flamethrower!"

"Whatever" Greg said "I'll be back. Nobody touch my collection of marbles" And so Greg left the warehouse that he had called home for the last several minutes and started on a journey to catch a survivor.

Outside it was raining and raining hard and Greg growled-smiled something. It was good to know that the baby blue jacket he always wore came in handy for something, even if he didn't need it anymore. He also wore green pants, torn pants but again he didn't really need it anymore.

He moved forward until he bumped into something. "Sorry" He said quickly before getting a good look at what he walked into.

Greg jumped at what he saw. Before him stood a mighty if not depressed looking Tank infected… zombies they could be depressed to. This large, muscular death machine wore jeans and that was it.

"No problem" said the Tank "The name is Andry"

"I'm Greg," the Hunter said holding out its right claw before pulling it back to his side.

"Nice to meet you Greg"

* * *

><p>Somewhere else. A common infected looked up at the sky. He knew what to do.<p>

_Everybody's always talking at me  
>Everybody's trying to get in my head<br>I want to listen to my own heart talking  
>I need to count on myself instead<em>

A nearby Witch stirred. Sitting up the half naked killer rubbed her eyes. Always being careful not to remove the eye with her sharp claws, something that has become second nature, after killing of course. She moved to the doorway and looked out of the building she was staying in.

The singing zombie didn't see her.

_How will I know if there is a path worth taking?  
>Should I question every move I make<br>The thought of…blah blah true and…game playing it my way  
>Bet on it. Bet on it. Bet on it.<em>

"What heck?" The Witch moved away from the building and into the rain. "That's not the way the song goes…not that I would now and besides High School Musical is so 2009"

"Well it doesn't matter?" The singing zombie said, "I'm doing it my way" The zombie ran off leaving the now wet Witch. The zombie was lucky. A Witch is a very aggressive infected. It would usual take your head before criticizing your choice in music. The infected also wore almost no clothes, only its underwear. So in this case she wore a tank top and her red panties. Something that would probably make the end look slightly bleak but then someone had to give her razor sharp claws and the appearance like she was playing around in Alma's makeup cabinet.

Anyway…

The Witch named Susan made her way down the road. She was to wet to cry or wallow in self-pity well maybe cry but whatever. She took a left and then…

"That doesn't sound like a bad plan" she heard a voice

And then came a second voice "Really?"

"Yeah. It sounds like a shitty plan"

"Thanks Andry"

The Witch had walked right into a Tank and a Hunter. The Hunter would be easy to take down. It was the Tank she worried about but the two did nothing except stare at her. Maybe the two were waiting for an attack.

The two were in fact waiting for the Witch to attack. This waiting eventually became tedious. "Andry" the Hunter said as he grabbed onto the Tank, "Look a Witch"

"Took you long enough" the Tank said, "I don't give a shit. Get of me!" Greg jumped off his friend and came to a standstill slightly behind the big man. The two approached the Witch, slowly and with Andry leading.

"We come in peace," Greg said holding up his claw in a peace like symbol but that only ended up looking like an infected FU.

"Right" The Witch said looking up at the two infected before her

"You can understand us?" asked Greg

"Says the talking hunter," she answered crossing her arms before her

"What?" Greg looked up at Andry who remained still "All infected can talk, right?"

"Where do you come from?" Susan asked

"The crack factory down the street"

"Well then I rest my case"

"So we zombies don't actually talk"

"Really?" Susan asked sarcastically

"Well shit…" Greg said "That is mind blowing"

The Witch rolled her eyes…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Meeting, Part 002

"I agree with the Tank" Susan said. Holding herself as the three stood in the rain "That is a shitty plan"

"Yeah well who asked you?" Greg said annoyed "All you have to do is cry in the corner and a survivor pops up. And then someone writes fanfiction about it"

The Witch and the Tank looked at each other, confused, and then back at Greg.

"Right" Said Susan, she then whispered the last part to herself "Keep your eyes on the Hunter"

"I can hear you Susan" Said Greg "I have good hearing"

The three infected made their way down the road. It was still raining, softer now, and Susan was still freezing her frail little ass off. The urge to cry or wallow in self-pity became stronger. That was when the Hunter stopped dead.

"What is it now?" Susan asked annoyed

"I stepped in soggy dog poop" Greg said lifting his foot before looking for a place to scrap it off, "Where did it come from anyway?" Luckily the rain washed the poop away. "What is your problem anyway woman?"

Susan looked away. The two male infected looked at each other and then back at their friend…well traveling companion. She sighed annoyed "What do you think is wrong!" she yelled suddenly "Look at me. I'm pale, thin and wearing my underwear. I am cold and sad"

"Then do something about it" Andry said

"Not that we're complaining, right big guy?" Said Greg. The other two looked at him and he added "Hey I am zombie who cares"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile<p>

"Soldier Boy had the time of my life…" This came suddenly and out of nowhere. Two more infected, one a Charger and one a Jockey, were staying in an old candy store. The Jockey, Dave or as he liked to call himself Soldier Boy, was rolling around in old pieces of rubble.

"Would you cut the out?" The Charger, Mike, was balling his huge right hand into a fist. Before the perfect murder could commence the two infected heard voices.

"Soldier Boy would if Soldier Boy could"

"I spy with my little eye" Was the first voice they heard.

"I am not playing that game Greg. My eyes aren't as good as yours," A second voice

The first voice again "Buzz kill"

"You hear that Dave?" Mike asked, finally something else beside this little annoying idiot, salvation. Chargers are resilient infected. They charge in, grab you and run out. Slamming you into the concrete with its big right arm until your dead. This charger though… he was going a little crazy. Like the Tank he wore a torn up jean.

"It's Soldier Boy" This little gremlin, a Jockey, grabs on to you and drags you into a horde, really annoying stuff "And yes Soldier Boy heard it"

The two moved towards the broken door…well Mike did. Soldier By was fine with staying where he was. Mike moved over to the broken door and looked out. Three special infected, a Hunter, a Tank and an angry looking Witch walked past. "Do you think there are any other talking infected around?" The question came from the Hunter

The three passed a candy store

"What is it with all the stupid questions Greg?" Susan asked. "It probable just the three of us"

"That was not a stupid question" Greg said slightly offended, "This is a stupid question. Are there any talking infected horses walking around?"

"He is right Susan" Andry said after his time of silence "That was a stupid question"

The Witch groaned in irritation. She was about to say something when the horde showed up.

"Come on!" A zombie at the front of the horde said. He walked forward as if to check what he was looking at "Zombies? Really?" he said "Why?"

"What were you expecting?" Susan asked

"Four human survivors" The lead zombie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world… and it was.

"Right" Susan said. She then started whistling

"Well this is great" Lead zombie said turning back to the horde "Let's go guys. False alarm"

They all booed. Someone from the crowd yelled "Nice job Steve"

"Shut up Mary"

"Well that was interesting" Greg said turning to his companions. "The horde must be sensitive to sound so we should probable stay away from car alarms"

"Thanks for the update chief" Andry then started walking again. The other two followed.

"Your welcome"

* * *

><p>The Candy Store<p>

Mike looked at Soldier Boy and then towards the three infected walking into the distance. He then turned back to the Jockey. "I'm going to go with them" Said Mike "So…bye" Mike made his way out of the store and towards the other infected.

"But?" Soldier Boy looked at the wall. In graffiti was written 'Mike is a cheese puff' "Oh well" said Dave. The Jockey turned and left through the back door


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Plan

"Say" Mike began "What's your story Greg?"

"4 the Zombies" Greg said looking out ahead

The Charger shook his head "Right, right..." he said "So I'm guessing I shouldn't ask about you two" The other two infected remained silent.

The rain had stop several minutes ago and the sun was starting to break past the clouds. This day was starting to turn into a really nice day... for a zombie apocalypse. With the sun appearing a new motivation grow inside the decaying remains of Greg.

"So what is the plan here?"

Greg spoke "Well I'm looking for a survivor so that I could prove my presentation" The Hunter pointed to the other two "These two are my highly intimidating tag alongs"

"Okay"

A sad shriek broke the now silence. The group stopped and their attention fell on the Witch. Susan stopped and shook her head "Whoa... sorry guys I couldn't help myself"

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm good" said the Witch. She gave them a really disturbing smile that made it look like she was in horrible pain but in reality she was really okay.

"Okay" The four moved on

"Quick question" Mike said suddenly "Wouldn't it be easier for you Greg to scout for survivors from buildings"

"Well yes but that's really high and I could really hurt myself"

* * *

><p>Somewhere else...<p>

"What is this?" A Hunter jumped down from one of the many ruined buildings. He had seen something strange and now went to investigate. On the annoyingly long road stood four figures. As the Hunter neared the figures became clear: four special infected. The Hunter groaned and turned away but he stopped when he heard.

"Listen guys. This Hunting the survivor thing is really important to me. I had worked hard on getting all the information and now all I need to prove is that is works. If it does work hunting survivors would become really easy. Lets just say it will be like putting the AI Director in murder any survivor mode"

"Well let's just say that you had my curiosity but now you have my attention" The Hunter said to himself. He jumped down and towards the four infected. He landed, hard, on the back of an old car before jumping up really quickly and looking around to make sure nobody saw him looking like a dick."Did I hear something about survivors?"

The four turned to where the voice came from, a small car that had a large dent on. Its alarm was also going off. "How did we miss that?" Asked Greg. From behind the shouting car stood a shadow

"You did" Greg answered his earlier question "Who are you?"

"The name is Mitch" The shadow turned out to be another infected, obviously. It was another Hunter. "Nice to meet you. Say is that a Tank?"

"No" Greg said looking at Andry and then back at Mitch "Its a German Shepard on steroids"

"Really?"

"Look Greg" Said the Witch "A bigger douche then you"

"Yeah" Greg flashed a stupid is not creepy grin "Today is a good day. I feel much better now"

"You guys mocking me?"

"No" Greg waved his claw before him dismissing the Hunter's question "This is Andry," he pointed to the Tank "Susan and Mike" he pointed to the other two.

"Okay... so what about the survivors?"

Greg walked up to the other Hunter "Well I have been working on this presentation. It is suppose to help infected from catching survivors"

"Well that's nice of you"

"You think so. Thanks"

"No problem" Mitch said to the other Hunter "Care to tell me more about this presentation?"

"I can't do that" Greg said punching Mitch on the back "But I keep all my Presentation work on this here smart-phone" He removed the BlackBerry from his jacket pocket. "Everything anyone should now is on it"

"Great" Mitch grabbed the phone from Greg's claw jumped off

"What just happened?"

"Mitch took you BlackBerry" Said Susan "Speaking of which BlackBerry? Really?"

"Its a great phone... if it works that is" Greg lowered his head in sadness as what just happened sank in. "And I think your presentation went with him" Mike quickly added

Andry looked into the distance "So who do we report this theft to?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Two More to the Team

"Where did that damn Hunter go?" It was a question asked to a Smoker. The one who asked the question, a Spitter named Julie, pushed over a table in annoyance. Part due to the Hunter she asked about but mostly because of the acid that made it way out of her mouth. The female infected had the ability to spit acid, which in a board room would sound brilliant. Someone should really make a game about this stuff.

Anyway. Julie wore a yellow top and little tight jeans that hugged her ass really nicely...too bad that she was a zombie and spits acid at you like a king cobra. That and she is kind of hideous.

The Smoker Joey looked at his partner with a blank expression. The Smoker had large growths on it face, boil like growths, that covered up the whole left side of his face. A Smoker also had a long tong it would use to ensnare a target. All and all this creature and its face was only something a mother could love...or in this case only a Julie could love.

The two had occupied a small building after they saw a Hunter jumping into this general direction.

"You can't hide forever Mitch!" Julie pushed over a second table. She then started spitting acid all over the place.

"Mitch?" The Smoker turned to the Spitter "Who is that again?"

She stopped spitting and said "It that Hunter that screwed us over dear"

"Oh right. The supermarket right?"

"Yes dear"

"Awesome" Joey gave a half smile, proud of himself for getting it right. "So do we have a plan on how to catch him?"

Julie looked at Joey and for a second remained quiet "Not really" she said suddenly "I kind of thought we would wing it from here"

"Of course" Joey said nodding "Great plan babe"

"Thanks" She made her way across the acid and towards the door "Come on. I'm tired of this place" She left the building and Joey followed closely. Outside it was sunny but there were some dark clouds in the distance. It would start raining again soon. "So where do you think he would have gone?"

"To find the survivors" Julie said looking at her partner and then out ahead of her. The Hunter had said something about eating and survivors but then again he also said something about a steel pole and lubricant "Like he said he was going to do. Or that is what I hope he went to do"

"Right"

That was when the two heard a load bang and a car alarm going off. "Come on Joey it might be Mitch" The two made their way in the direction of the loud car alarm. As they came closer they heard voices. One voice seemed really familiar. The Spitter frowned "That sounds like Mitch!"

And it was Mitch. The two moved past some cars and a truck when they saw him. The Hunter was taking to another Hunter before jumping off. "Mitch" Julie growled watching the Hunter escape.

"He got away again" Joey said looking up at the sky as the infected vanished.

Julie ignored him. "Follow me" The two walked over to the Hunter. As she got closer she could see more special infected. A Tank, a Charger, a Witch and the Hunter, whose head was held low.

"Hay"


	5. Chapter 5

Final Chapter

Presentation

The evening sun was starting to make itself know, breaking through the last of the clouds and with it any chance of rain for today. A eerie breeze moved across the area, howling to itself. The rest of the city was silent... and dead. In an old abandoned warehouse, and only after evicting its residing Witch, stood the medium group. "You two know Mitch?"

The Zombies were scattered around the warehouse floor. Susan took the corner, finally able to succumb to her urge to cry. She was at least kind enough to keep it to herself. Andry had taken a seat on some crates. Greg was facing Julie. Joey was staring at the wall and Mike went to the toilet

Joey turned to Greg "Who?"

Julie rolled her yellow eyes "We know Mitch. The bastard left us behind after we got ambushed by several survivors" the Spitter said "Survivors are getting really ballsy lately"

"That may be" Greg said "But I need to get my phone back"

Susan stepped up "It a BlackBerry Greg. We can get you a new one" she said looking at the Hunter "And as for that Presentation why don't you make a new one" After that she went back to her corner.

"And lose all the time it took to find the information... fuck that!" Greg moved to the warehouse door "I spend to much time on that thing. I am not just letting some Hunter take it. Its time that I stand up for myself!"

"Yeah go for it guy" Said Joey "So who are you guys again?"

Julie looked at Joey before turning back to Greg "I think I know where he went"

"Great" Greg turned to the group "Then were moving out... After Mike comes back"

* * *

><p>"The Some-place Mall" Greg looked at Julie "You sure he is here?"<p>

The Some-place Mall was a large family attraction. Back in the hay day of mankind it was a place thousands of generic families would come to relax and shop. You could bring the kids and leave them in a safe environment for them to play. You and your partner can then go do all the shopping you want in over 100 shops and vendors. It truly is Paradise... or in this case was a paradise. Now its just a hotspot for wierdos and zombies.

"Yes. This is were we fought those survivors"

"Actually Julie I think you mean hid in the bathroom until they left"

"Ignore him" Said the Spitter "His crazy"

"Not a problem" said Greg "Lets get in there and kick some ass!"

The Zombies entered the mall. The large building was in... great shape actually or at least great shape for a zombie apocalypse. Most of the wall still stood. There was little debris as a few of the escalators were destroyed. The elevators were out but then again the power was out. Most of the shops were empty or messy. "We split up" Greg said "Anyone who finds Mitch gets the pleasure of giving him a fierce reprimand"

"Oh yeah" Julie said before shaking her head "Whatever lets go Joey"

The group separated.

Among the shadows of the mall and the light that shined between them was movement. A dark, decaying creature that stood upright. Wearing an old green shirt and a brown jacket. Brown pants and white shoes. It had a light brown scarf around it neck and was holding an iPhone.

Greg blinked and focused in on the zombie "Hipster" Greg turned away from the zombie when...

"You!"

"Mitch! Give me back my phone you meanie"

Mitch looked around suddenly before turning to Greg "Okay"

"Really?"

"No. I'm evil" Mitch moved quickly. Jumping over Greg and onto the second floor. Greg followed and was soon flying through the air. He landed a few yards behind Mitch. The evil Hunter took off running and Greg chased.

The two Hunters made their way through the second floor and onto the third. Mitch jumped to the fourth floor. Greg followed. Mitch then took a stairway to the roof. Greg ran up to the stairs "You can't escape!" He ran up them and opened the door. Closing the door behind him he looked across the roof.

Mitch was standing on the one side.

"There is no more room Mitch" said Greg "Give me my phone"

"You will have to take it from me" Mitch said backing up as Greg moved towards him. He held the phone in his right claw, waving it annoyingly in front of Greg.

"I'm starting to lose my cool guy"

"Oh I'm so sca-" The Hunter was silenced when he fell of the roof. He lost his grip on the phone. Greg jumped forward, grabbing the device before it to fell of the roof. The evil Hunter fell on an old car and for a second he survived...until the car spontaneously combusted.

"Weird but whatever got my presentation back"

* * *

><p>Epilogue<p>

The Zombies minus one all stood on the roof of the Some-place Mall. The sun was starting to set into the horizon and coated the sky in a light orange "So you got your phone back?"

Greg turned to Andry "I am" He turned back to the horizon "I have done what I set out to do and I am proud of myself"

"Good job guy" said Joey "One should always be proud of oneself. Life is hard and if we lack faith we might as well give up and succumb to a zombie apocalypse"

"Yeah" said Greg smiling-snarling "So did you guys set out to do what you wanted?"

Mitch was first to speak "Well I killed a hipster so my day is done"

The door then suddenly smashed open. The lost member being Susan appeared "Holy crap" she said "I feel so much better now" The Witch was wearing a white shirt, a red jacket and tight jeans "Can you guys believe I am a extra small?"

"Actually" Andry said "We can"

"Well yeah okay" Susan walked up to Greg "You got your phone back?"

"I did"

"You want to tell us about this presentation then"

"Sure" Greg began "Well..."

The End


End file.
